“I biked before dawn to care for a friend's child yesterday and today. We laughed, sang and danced between snacks and snow. I genuinely enjoyed myself. I was asked at the end of each day- but can it really be fun to be an adult in the company of a two year old?

Today, I wore a tutu and danced to the nut cracker. I rolled as fast as my body could carry me down a snowy hill. I ate what I wanted. I had three cups of tea and one of hot chocolate. I even had a nap! What's not to like?

We are all at a different stage in our growth as people/parents to ourselves and littles. Wherever we happen to be is just that- not good or bad- just where we are.

After arriving home at dusk, I sat with a cup of steaming tea to look at a lovely snow covered tree in my friends/current housemates' front yard. Looking at the birch and rubbing my socked feet together absently, I had strange moment of profound pride.

How far I have come!

The thought and feeling surprised me, blooming suddenly in the quiet of my mind. It welled up and warmed me, curling my lips into a smile. I may have giggled. :P

Then just as suddenly I was uncomfortable and unsure of what to do with this tumbling happiness.
Where do I put it when the words writ large in my psyche STILL are NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

Love yourself, our culture tells us... but not too much.

Is this pride too much?

Whatever 'parenting' I received as a child frequently came in the form of pain. I was fully submerged in a dominating culture with a heavy dose of white supremacy. I am still working daily, to heal the embodied scars of my childhood.

I refuse to complete the cycle of pain, hatred and hopelessness.
I am determined to do all that I can to create a ripple of hope in my wake. I am committed to learning publicly and bearing the discomfort of being wrong.

I talked about this funny feeling and the thoughts behind it with my friend. They looked at me and gave me a title.

I am proud of myself.

I am a Cycle Breaker.

I am not alone.

I am uncomfortable with all this goodness and I am sitting in it.”

Generation 20
Theme: Self-love

“A while ago I was explaining to a coworker that it’s hard for me to find being called “weird” insulting. I am weird. I don’t think I need to justify it, I just am. When you don’t do conformity, and kinda embrace the idea of being contrary, there’s just no way around it.

Defying expectations for conduct is weird. It makes normies uncomfortable. They don’t get it. They want things to be in boxes of acceptable and not acceptable behaviors, without extenuating, I-love-this-song-I’m-gunna-dance circumstances. They like conformity. Not being one, or even being close to one, I couldn’t tell you why.

Again, I find such people limiting and a tad boring, so I wouldn’t be the one to dive deep into their psyches. I’ll just say that some of the best people I know are weird-os, and they don’t always look like they can’t just shut up about the show so you can watch the dang show. You know?”

Generation 20
Theme: Self-love

Self-Love: From the Hearts of Generation 20!